We have a special new committee voting after the bowl games -- never mind the game that the SEC didn’t see fit to book itself -- and here’s the official final poll:
1. Central Florida (can’t beat being unbeaten; go ask Auburn)
2. Alabama (for their Crimsonettes; count on putting the Hurts on the lucky ’Dogs)
3. Wisconsin (one score away from perfection; closest win all season was Purdue)
4. Ohio State (too bad about Iowa City; the waving kids really meant forgetaboutit)
5. Penn State (pure Big Ten bias here, but we’re past the point of caring)
6. Georgia (the defenseless Bullies whose extra efforts made Mr. Heisman cry)
7. Clemson (calling that an offense was almost as offensive as Crotch Mayfield)
8. Oklahoma (no mere gesture here for Mr. Hype; you’re not in Kansas anymore)
9. Purdue (more bias, because our quarterbacks exhibit class instead of themselves)
10. (No one else worthy of Top Ten)
Votes: Texas A&M ($100 million to replace a 7-win coach with a 5-win coach)
1. Central Florida (can’t beat being unbeaten; go ask Auburn)
2. Alabama (for their Crimsonettes; count on putting the Hurts on the lucky ’Dogs)
3. Wisconsin (one score away from perfection; closest win all season was Purdue)
4. Ohio State (too bad about Iowa City; the waving kids really meant forgetaboutit)
5. Penn State (pure Big Ten bias here, but we’re past the point of caring)
6. Georgia (the defenseless Bullies whose extra efforts made Mr. Heisman cry)
7. Clemson (calling that an offense was almost as offensive as Crotch Mayfield)
8. Oklahoma (no mere gesture here for Mr. Hype; you’re not in Kansas anymore)
9. Purdue (more bias, because our quarterbacks exhibit class instead of themselves)
10. (No one else worthy of Top Ten)
Votes: Texas A&M ($100 million to replace a 7-win coach with a 5-win coach)