In the fall of 2000 a young ambitious Jeff Rabjohns, eager to prove his worth to the IU basketball community, was able to secure some DNA from a discarded piece of chewing gum from the bushes outside of John Wooden's condo. Coach Wooden was immediately cloned. Nine months later, a sure fire coaching prodigy was born. It's been a little less than 14 years since then, but the genetic marvel is almost ready. A procilivity for knowledge and genetically accelerated physical growth, make this 13 year-old appear, and act like he's in his early 20s. A 50 year reign of IU basketball dominance will soon be upon us.
Or will it?
Despite the best efforts of scientists to sequester the brilliant young man, it proved impossible to quell all outside influence. Obviously it's in the boys genes to be a sports fan, and a more than ideal amount of exposure to ESPN has nurtured a fondness for Duke and Coach K, not IU. Also, many of the scientists started to question as to whether they engineered this young man to be too smart. During his daily 3-hour lessons on IU basketball history, the young man would say things like "Well, you guys keep saying that IU is elite and the greatest ever, but it's 2015 and they last won a title in 1987, that's a long time," and "I know you guys want me to coach the Hoosiers, but isn't it a little extreme placing IU fans and graduates absolutely everywhere I go? I'd like to be able to go to McDonald's and buy groceries at Wal-Mart without running into IU fans and graduates serving me all the time," not to mention "Is there a complete set of teeth among the whole fanbase?". Things aren't looking good in Bloomington. Even a closely monitored and groomed from birth replacement may decide they don't want the job.
All is not lost, however, as a back-up plan Glass has apparently secured the commitments of Phil Jackson, Coach K, Red Auerbach, and Pat Riley to form a virtual coaching dream team, according to a super secret Peegs chat. Other reports have surfaced that Brad Stevens is aggressively lobbying for the video coordinator position, but there's no word as to whether his application will be accepted.
Purdue fans quiver worldwide…
This post was edited on 3/17 3:05 PM by BoilerSmac
Or will it?
Despite the best efforts of scientists to sequester the brilliant young man, it proved impossible to quell all outside influence. Obviously it's in the boys genes to be a sports fan, and a more than ideal amount of exposure to ESPN has nurtured a fondness for Duke and Coach K, not IU. Also, many of the scientists started to question as to whether they engineered this young man to be too smart. During his daily 3-hour lessons on IU basketball history, the young man would say things like "Well, you guys keep saying that IU is elite and the greatest ever, but it's 2015 and they last won a title in 1987, that's a long time," and "I know you guys want me to coach the Hoosiers, but isn't it a little extreme placing IU fans and graduates absolutely everywhere I go? I'd like to be able to go to McDonald's and buy groceries at Wal-Mart without running into IU fans and graduates serving me all the time," not to mention "Is there a complete set of teeth among the whole fanbase?". Things aren't looking good in Bloomington. Even a closely monitored and groomed from birth replacement may decide they don't want the job.
All is not lost, however, as a back-up plan Glass has apparently secured the commitments of Phil Jackson, Coach K, Red Auerbach, and Pat Riley to form a virtual coaching dream team, according to a super secret Peegs chat. Other reports have surfaced that Brad Stevens is aggressively lobbying for the video coordinator position, but there's no word as to whether his application will be accepted.
Purdue fans quiver worldwide…
This post was edited on 3/17 3:05 PM by BoilerSmac
