Hi folks! Thought I’d share with you my experience attending the Old Oaken Bucket game up in West Lafayette. So you know, I don’t get out much and I ain’t the best writer, so bear with me. And this is kinda long.
First of all, it wasn’t my idea to go to the game. But you see, my son had the great idea. He had just got out from the Bloomington jailhouse again and thought it would be fun. Several of his buddies from the jail had told him going to the Bucket game was a great time. He met lots of nice folks there. Guys named Hanner, Emmitt, and a whole lot of others. Heck, he even befriended a bunch of boys from the current IU basketball team. Pretty awesome, huh? Some only spent the night, but others have been there lots of times. Anyways, even after they parted ways out of jail most of ‘em still come visit my son at the trailer park on Saturday nights. Usually around 3:00a.m. to buy some ziplock baggies. My son does a pretty good business as a reseller. He thought about going to IU just like I did. And he’s a HUGE fan. I just don’t understand his business hours.
Anyways, I had to lube old Betsy up before headin’ to Lafayette. Not my wife, I know, odd that her name is Betsy too. I’m talking my truck. First, I had the son go out and steal some tires for the truck. We got them on, no prob, and also had no problem taking the truck off the blocks. Then I used all my car maintenance goop to fire up old Besty. Amazing how much money I can save by also using that stuff on ……hey wait, that’s not the point of my story. Go to the wife’s pinterest page if you’re really curious.
Anyways, we were just north of Indy and the car conked out. Short story, the tow-truck drops me, the son, the wife, and Domer off around Hill-Top apartments. I had to give the guy my cell phone as payment. Oh well, easy come easy go. Got it free to begin with. And dayum!!!! Those Hill-Top apartments are nice! 5 star all the way. I had never been to Purdue before. Heck, I have never been to IU either. But I thought about going there to study. Yep, really, I did. Right after dropping out of high school. Heard IU was about the only school where you could get a degree in less than 3 years. And if you played basketball maybe two. My buddies always told me how ugly Purdue was but I couldn’t believe how awesome it looked. And the kids there were real nice. A couple of ‘em seemed really smart. They called themselves Engineers, or something like that. They fixed my truck in about 5 minutes by doing fancy stuff like connecting a bunch of things. Color me impressed.
Anyways, we got ready to head into the stadium. But I fergot about what we should do with Domer. That is the name of my big-headed cat. Not the prettiest beast, but sure struts around like he is. Domer acts all pompous and is quite a know-it-all. I bought him years ago because he came highly recommended as I was told he was really smart and that his sh!t don’t stink. Didn’t even have to put a litter box in my trailer because of that. All my friends LOVE Domer. Heck, if they had to choose between the IU football team and Domer….lets just say, see ya, football! At any rate, we decided to turn Domer loose to mooch for scraps at tailgates and we headed to the stadium. At least it wasn’t raining. And Domer is really good at mooching. Just hope he doesn’t cross the road and start harassing female cats. He does that a lot. But we all think it is OK.
I gotta say Ross-Ade is pretty cool. At the start of the game we all said “I AM AN AMERICAN”. I’m no bigot or nothin’ and seeing a bunch of kids from the Country of Asia saying that brought a tear to my eye. We gotta implement something like that at the IU football games. I think once the game starts we should go to the south tailgate lot. That’s where our student section is. Most of ‘em are from the Far East. Like New York, Massachusetts and other lands like that. Anyways, once a home game starts at IU, we could go out there and have them all gurgle “I AM A HOOSIER” into their pool of vomit. Or something like that. Sorry, but I’m just a loyal patriot-type at heart.
Once in Ross_Ade, all the fans around me seemed real nice. Hardly any cussin’ or anything. I heard it is just the opposite at an IU basketball game. In fact, it almost seemed as if the fans in Ross-Ade didn’t really even care about the game. Weird, like everyone accepted losing as a foregone conclusion. Then they put some guy on the fancy Big Screen everyone called the Jumbo-Tron. I must say the guy had a Purdue jacket on and really looked like a tool. It was extremely grey and overcast outside, but he was wearing sunglasses. Almost like the stadium had bright, shiny lights to illuminate it. But I’m no dummy. He couldn’t fool me. I know that stadium didn’t have any lights. Everyone booed when he was shown on the Jumbo-Tron. I felt kinda sorry for him.
People didn’t seem to like the coach, either. Hazell or something like that. There was this one play, the quarterback Applebees got the wind knocked outta him. He was gonna have to sit out one play. I had good seats (did I tell you how I got them?) and I could hear Hazell yell “SINDELAR, YOU ARE IN!” You will never believe what I seen next!!! I could have sworn it looked EXACTLY like the Ghost of Fat Jack Mollenkopf, but this guy snuck onto the sidelines and HID SINDELARS HELMET!! Poor kid couldn’t find it anywheres. So Hazell, who was FURIOUS by now, put in some kid named Banks for the one play. And then Applebees returned. After the game Coach Hazell was still muttering about how he thinks Purdue woulda won the game had Sindelar got in for that snap - although he would have to evaluate the film to know for sure.
There was this other time. Early in the 4th quarter. Purdue pulled within my beloved Hoosiers by 8 points! Did I tell you I almost went to IU? Really, I almost did. Anyways, I saw that tool with the sunglasses puff up like a toad and pull out some paper and a pen. Purdue was within 8 points! I was close enough to see him write “EXTENSION”, “2020”, and some really big numbers. Like a 1 with 8 zeroes after it. Dayum! He was walking over to Hazell when, outta the stands, some dude with a cocktail in hand jumped onto the sidelines and tackled him! I must say it was about the only tackle I saw all day. Tshirt said BBG or something on the back of it. Not sure why he isn’t on the team. Anyways, the guy tears up the sheet of paper, breaks the poor tool’s sunglasses, and takes his pen. Called him a bad, bad man and incompetent. Then this BBG guy mumbles something about a Shoop and returns to the stands like nothing happened so I went to ask him what it was all about. He gave me a recipe for some fancy cocktail. I appreciated it, but really prefer my whiskey and beer. Heck, our Coach Wilson comes over to my trailer park almost every Saturday night and we have beers together. And Sunday nights. And Monday nights. Well…just about every night. Lots of beers, too. And whiskey. Then, about when the basketball players start showing up to buy those ziplock baggies, he leaves. Just drives himself home. I think he lives in a dorm. I don’t know.
Anyways, it was a good game. I recognized most of those refs from my trailer park. They all live in the same trailer park with me. What a coincidence, huh? Especially with so many different trailer parks in Bloomington. They’d run through a wall for IU football, but like all my other buddies, their first and foremost love is my cat. Odd, I know. But Domer was still out mooching food at the tailgates so he wasn’t around. He doesn’t really know squat about football, either. After all, he is just a cat. Anyways, it got a little awkward for my referee buddies because they started to look really stupid while they were reffing. I felt bad for them. Every time they made a call, that Jumbo-Tron thing would show the replay and it looked different. I was gonna call down to them with my cell phone to let ‘em know they were really screwing up but I fergot I no longer had my phone. And heck, EVERY SINGLE CALL went to our beloved Hoosiers advantage! So maybe it is good I didn’t call ‘em. It was kinda fun. People started yelling at something other than the guy in the sunglasses. And best of all, we won! After the game, I went by a bookstore to try and pick me up one of them snappy white jackets your coach Hazell wears. I really liked it! But I hate those places, full of books and stuff. Makes me break out in a sweat. But I thought it would be worth it. Dang the luck though, they didn’t have any. Must have been sold out.
Anyways, thanks to those Engineers, old Betsy fired right up, the son put Domer in the truck, and we headed home. I know, we fergot the wife Betsy. She had taken some of my truck stuff and gone into Cary Quad. I don’t know, maybe one of the boys that lived there had a truck that needed oil or something. She’ll make it home in a few days though, always does.
Well, it is now the day after the game. I am basking in all my glory. Domer just took a dump in the trailer. Can I be honest and tell you a secret? Between you and me….and don’t tell any of my buddies or they will hate me….but Domer’s sh!t really stinks. No, I mean REALLY. Worse than yours or mine. And the cat is dumb as a box of rocks. Oh well.
There is so much more I could share. Guess I’ll just end with the fact I am still laughing at how I snookered that Purdue ticket scalper. Dayum! Those tickets are expensive! You should talk to the Athaletic Director about it. You know, the tool with the shades who gets booed all the time? Anyways, the scalper was asking for $30 above face for the tix. But after he saw me he says ‘you’re a good looking guy, I’ll sell them to you for $20 over face’. SOLD!!! I said. A sucker is born almost every day… I kinda felt bad for him. I talked to a couple of other Hoosier fans. They were some REAL SMART fellas too. Actually attended IU and graduated from “THE” Kelley school. That’s the best business school in the world. They tell me that all the time. They tell everyone that. Constantly. Never heard anybody else say it, but it must be true. They told me so. Again and again. And again. Anyways, they were all tooting their own horn for paying $30 over face to the Purdue scalper. ROTFL. You can’t pull one over on me! I chuckled to myself knowing I got the better deal. These Kelley guys are kinda tools too. And I don’t think they are very smart. In fact, they seem about as dumb as Domer. But I could never tell anyone that, either. So let’s keep that our secret too, OK?
Well, gotta go. Its gonna be a busy night. Coach Wilson is coming over. And I have some extra food stamp money from my ticket savings. Splurged for some real good beer too. Wanna guess what it is? And I think I’ll break out some of my moonshine to celebrate the Bucket victory with him! Home-made and De-Licious! And did I tell you my son has taken up cooking? He does it all bent over in the corner of the trailer. Said he expects the hoops team to show up later tonight, too. Said they LOVE his cookin’, and pay good money for it!
Y’all have a good night. I enjoyed the trip to West Lafayette (first time ever outta-state, if you don’t count my Honeymoon to Martinsville). Y’all are real nice I hope to visit again! Oh, and Boiler Down! Hahaha, see what I did there! Got you, Purdue chumps!
-Harry B.
First of all, it wasn’t my idea to go to the game. But you see, my son had the great idea. He had just got out from the Bloomington jailhouse again and thought it would be fun. Several of his buddies from the jail had told him going to the Bucket game was a great time. He met lots of nice folks there. Guys named Hanner, Emmitt, and a whole lot of others. Heck, he even befriended a bunch of boys from the current IU basketball team. Pretty awesome, huh? Some only spent the night, but others have been there lots of times. Anyways, even after they parted ways out of jail most of ‘em still come visit my son at the trailer park on Saturday nights. Usually around 3:00a.m. to buy some ziplock baggies. My son does a pretty good business as a reseller. He thought about going to IU just like I did. And he’s a HUGE fan. I just don’t understand his business hours.
Anyways, I had to lube old Betsy up before headin’ to Lafayette. Not my wife, I know, odd that her name is Betsy too. I’m talking my truck. First, I had the son go out and steal some tires for the truck. We got them on, no prob, and also had no problem taking the truck off the blocks. Then I used all my car maintenance goop to fire up old Besty. Amazing how much money I can save by also using that stuff on ……hey wait, that’s not the point of my story. Go to the wife’s pinterest page if you’re really curious.
Anyways, we were just north of Indy and the car conked out. Short story, the tow-truck drops me, the son, the wife, and Domer off around Hill-Top apartments. I had to give the guy my cell phone as payment. Oh well, easy come easy go. Got it free to begin with. And dayum!!!! Those Hill-Top apartments are nice! 5 star all the way. I had never been to Purdue before. Heck, I have never been to IU either. But I thought about going there to study. Yep, really, I did. Right after dropping out of high school. Heard IU was about the only school where you could get a degree in less than 3 years. And if you played basketball maybe two. My buddies always told me how ugly Purdue was but I couldn’t believe how awesome it looked. And the kids there were real nice. A couple of ‘em seemed really smart. They called themselves Engineers, or something like that. They fixed my truck in about 5 minutes by doing fancy stuff like connecting a bunch of things. Color me impressed.
Anyways, we got ready to head into the stadium. But I fergot about what we should do with Domer. That is the name of my big-headed cat. Not the prettiest beast, but sure struts around like he is. Domer acts all pompous and is quite a know-it-all. I bought him years ago because he came highly recommended as I was told he was really smart and that his sh!t don’t stink. Didn’t even have to put a litter box in my trailer because of that. All my friends LOVE Domer. Heck, if they had to choose between the IU football team and Domer….lets just say, see ya, football! At any rate, we decided to turn Domer loose to mooch for scraps at tailgates and we headed to the stadium. At least it wasn’t raining. And Domer is really good at mooching. Just hope he doesn’t cross the road and start harassing female cats. He does that a lot. But we all think it is OK.
I gotta say Ross-Ade is pretty cool. At the start of the game we all said “I AM AN AMERICAN”. I’m no bigot or nothin’ and seeing a bunch of kids from the Country of Asia saying that brought a tear to my eye. We gotta implement something like that at the IU football games. I think once the game starts we should go to the south tailgate lot. That’s where our student section is. Most of ‘em are from the Far East. Like New York, Massachusetts and other lands like that. Anyways, once a home game starts at IU, we could go out there and have them all gurgle “I AM A HOOSIER” into their pool of vomit. Or something like that. Sorry, but I’m just a loyal patriot-type at heart.
Once in Ross_Ade, all the fans around me seemed real nice. Hardly any cussin’ or anything. I heard it is just the opposite at an IU basketball game. In fact, it almost seemed as if the fans in Ross-Ade didn’t really even care about the game. Weird, like everyone accepted losing as a foregone conclusion. Then they put some guy on the fancy Big Screen everyone called the Jumbo-Tron. I must say the guy had a Purdue jacket on and really looked like a tool. It was extremely grey and overcast outside, but he was wearing sunglasses. Almost like the stadium had bright, shiny lights to illuminate it. But I’m no dummy. He couldn’t fool me. I know that stadium didn’t have any lights. Everyone booed when he was shown on the Jumbo-Tron. I felt kinda sorry for him.
People didn’t seem to like the coach, either. Hazell or something like that. There was this one play, the quarterback Applebees got the wind knocked outta him. He was gonna have to sit out one play. I had good seats (did I tell you how I got them?) and I could hear Hazell yell “SINDELAR, YOU ARE IN!” You will never believe what I seen next!!! I could have sworn it looked EXACTLY like the Ghost of Fat Jack Mollenkopf, but this guy snuck onto the sidelines and HID SINDELARS HELMET!! Poor kid couldn’t find it anywheres. So Hazell, who was FURIOUS by now, put in some kid named Banks for the one play. And then Applebees returned. After the game Coach Hazell was still muttering about how he thinks Purdue woulda won the game had Sindelar got in for that snap - although he would have to evaluate the film to know for sure.
There was this other time. Early in the 4th quarter. Purdue pulled within my beloved Hoosiers by 8 points! Did I tell you I almost went to IU? Really, I almost did. Anyways, I saw that tool with the sunglasses puff up like a toad and pull out some paper and a pen. Purdue was within 8 points! I was close enough to see him write “EXTENSION”, “2020”, and some really big numbers. Like a 1 with 8 zeroes after it. Dayum! He was walking over to Hazell when, outta the stands, some dude with a cocktail in hand jumped onto the sidelines and tackled him! I must say it was about the only tackle I saw all day. Tshirt said BBG or something on the back of it. Not sure why he isn’t on the team. Anyways, the guy tears up the sheet of paper, breaks the poor tool’s sunglasses, and takes his pen. Called him a bad, bad man and incompetent. Then this BBG guy mumbles something about a Shoop and returns to the stands like nothing happened so I went to ask him what it was all about. He gave me a recipe for some fancy cocktail. I appreciated it, but really prefer my whiskey and beer. Heck, our Coach Wilson comes over to my trailer park almost every Saturday night and we have beers together. And Sunday nights. And Monday nights. Well…just about every night. Lots of beers, too. And whiskey. Then, about when the basketball players start showing up to buy those ziplock baggies, he leaves. Just drives himself home. I think he lives in a dorm. I don’t know.
Anyways, it was a good game. I recognized most of those refs from my trailer park. They all live in the same trailer park with me. What a coincidence, huh? Especially with so many different trailer parks in Bloomington. They’d run through a wall for IU football, but like all my other buddies, their first and foremost love is my cat. Odd, I know. But Domer was still out mooching food at the tailgates so he wasn’t around. He doesn’t really know squat about football, either. After all, he is just a cat. Anyways, it got a little awkward for my referee buddies because they started to look really stupid while they were reffing. I felt bad for them. Every time they made a call, that Jumbo-Tron thing would show the replay and it looked different. I was gonna call down to them with my cell phone to let ‘em know they were really screwing up but I fergot I no longer had my phone. And heck, EVERY SINGLE CALL went to our beloved Hoosiers advantage! So maybe it is good I didn’t call ‘em. It was kinda fun. People started yelling at something other than the guy in the sunglasses. And best of all, we won! After the game, I went by a bookstore to try and pick me up one of them snappy white jackets your coach Hazell wears. I really liked it! But I hate those places, full of books and stuff. Makes me break out in a sweat. But I thought it would be worth it. Dang the luck though, they didn’t have any. Must have been sold out.
Anyways, thanks to those Engineers, old Betsy fired right up, the son put Domer in the truck, and we headed home. I know, we fergot the wife Betsy. She had taken some of my truck stuff and gone into Cary Quad. I don’t know, maybe one of the boys that lived there had a truck that needed oil or something. She’ll make it home in a few days though, always does.
Well, it is now the day after the game. I am basking in all my glory. Domer just took a dump in the trailer. Can I be honest and tell you a secret? Between you and me….and don’t tell any of my buddies or they will hate me….but Domer’s sh!t really stinks. No, I mean REALLY. Worse than yours or mine. And the cat is dumb as a box of rocks. Oh well.
There is so much more I could share. Guess I’ll just end with the fact I am still laughing at how I snookered that Purdue ticket scalper. Dayum! Those tickets are expensive! You should talk to the Athaletic Director about it. You know, the tool with the shades who gets booed all the time? Anyways, the scalper was asking for $30 above face for the tix. But after he saw me he says ‘you’re a good looking guy, I’ll sell them to you for $20 over face’. SOLD!!! I said. A sucker is born almost every day… I kinda felt bad for him. I talked to a couple of other Hoosier fans. They were some REAL SMART fellas too. Actually attended IU and graduated from “THE” Kelley school. That’s the best business school in the world. They tell me that all the time. They tell everyone that. Constantly. Never heard anybody else say it, but it must be true. They told me so. Again and again. And again. Anyways, they were all tooting their own horn for paying $30 over face to the Purdue scalper. ROTFL. You can’t pull one over on me! I chuckled to myself knowing I got the better deal. These Kelley guys are kinda tools too. And I don’t think they are very smart. In fact, they seem about as dumb as Domer. But I could never tell anyone that, either. So let’s keep that our secret too, OK?
Well, gotta go. Its gonna be a busy night. Coach Wilson is coming over. And I have some extra food stamp money from my ticket savings. Splurged for some real good beer too. Wanna guess what it is? And I think I’ll break out some of my moonshine to celebrate the Bucket victory with him! Home-made and De-Licious! And did I tell you my son has taken up cooking? He does it all bent over in the corner of the trailer. Said he expects the hoops team to show up later tonight, too. Said they LOVE his cookin’, and pay good money for it!
Y’all have a good night. I enjoyed the trip to West Lafayette (first time ever outta-state, if you don’t count my Honeymoon to Martinsville). Y’all are real nice I hope to visit again! Oh, and Boiler Down! Hahaha, see what I did there! Got you, Purdue chumps!
-Harry B.
