Nag, this is a good post. I don't agree with your perspective here, but you express your opinions well.
I think he wants his game plan to work, so he is stubborn about changing during games where his team struggles. He does adjust appropriately IMHO, but that is certainly an open topic. As far as grad student players, Painter has brought in superior players every time he has looked into the grad student pool, so I can't really argue with his success. If it were me, I would try to give scholarships to freshmen first, and use grad students as a back up strategy. That may make him seem reluctant or slow to move on early transfers.
Of course he has struck out more than hit homers on the 5-star boys. Every coach that recruits at that level will strike out more than hit. That is the nature of the recruiting game. Furthermore, he and HOF Izzo seem to target the same kids, which means he is competing against one of the very best recruiters in the game. I'd rather compete against Izzo than give up and go for kids that are a step down.
You and I agree on the charisma thing. Painter will need to develop this aspect more strongly to reach the heights we expect of him. In some respects, charisma and game confidence are the weakest point in his repertoire. The good news is that those aspects are a result of personal growth and can be developed over time. His work ethic, and his basketball knowledge are his strongest points, so I see a balance here. There are coaches better at this job than Painter, but not very many of them.